Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Plagiarism of the Day

After watching one Episode of South Park - the central theme being:

The Interconnectedness of Peace Protesters and Soldiers:
If the whole country were made up of Peace protesters, then some other country would invade the pussy peaceniks and take them over. So the soldiers are necessary to protect their precious freedome to protest.

If the whole country were made up of soldiers, then the world would view them as a bloodthirsty lot and unite and destroy them. The peace protesters are necessary to present the view that only the president is bloodthirsty while the rest of the country hates war. Neat hypocrisy.

Thus, peace protesters ensure countries can go to war while appearing to have the most peacable intent. So even protesting for peace has a government agenda. Sheesh!

Movies..

To add to the list of music I havent listened to...now I have movies on my computer I havent watched -

1. The Last Samurai
2. Calendar Girls
3. Monsoon Wedding
4. Love, Actually
5. 5 episodes of South Park

I think in my last life I was a squirrel..

ACTION COMICS NO. 1

ACTION COMICS NO. 1
Yeeehaaa!! Comics online. The kind that I grew up with. Hmmmhmmhmmm (humming happy song)

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Funny Name for the Day

Vamsee Krishna Yadalam

Formula for Happiness

According to my Latvian buddy Janis, all people require the following 3 things to be happy -

1. Sex
2. Food
3. Booze

So any person who is miserable needs to only be administered the ingredient they are missing and they will start smiling again.

Simple and 99% effective in my vast experience.

Todays Underwear

Its the same as yesterday..

Monday, March 29, 2004

Belle de Jour's Knickers

I have noticed that Belle de Jour's posts always refer to the underwear she is wearing that day and its a brilliant way to get people to pay more attention to your blog.

So...today I am wearing (lemme check quick)...

Ah yes..faded blue checked cotton boxer shorts

Spineless Bastard

Jay is complaining that his back is hurting and feels like his spine has disappeared.

See..thats what corporate life does to ya...makes you into a spineless bastard!!

Spineless we all
Born with one ball
The corporate sirens call
Keeps us in its thrall!!

Blogger Code

B1 d- t- k s-- u-- f i o+ x-- e- l- c

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Google Search

Do a Google search for "miserable failure" and see what turns up...

Friday, March 26, 2004

Reincarnation of Sai Baba
A neighbor of mine claims that she has met the reincarnation of Sai Baba. Apparently before Sai Baba died he left 3 of his possessions with a close disciple and promised that he would return for them some day. The disciple died, passed it on to his son who in turn passed it on to his son (each son was told to keep it a secret). One day a doctor who used to visit them asked them for the same items and told them where they kept the things. The doctor has now become revered as a reincarnation of the saint and has gathered a fairly large following in Bombay. Apparently his weekly talks gather about 40,000 people and he has been performing miracles.

Coincidentally, the method by which new Dalai Lamas are found is similar - the old Dalai Lama before his death leaves clues and possessions behind and then his priests present any Dalai Lama hopefuls with a choice of articles and they have to pick the right ones. Guess thats the only way to prove you were actually that person...

Ho Hum..
Slow day at work. However, I have found this amazing site where you can download episodes of South Park! Its here Southpark Download. Only bummer is that the files are in Real Player format...

With the RIAA posting so many bad files on Kazaa its hard finding the real music and movies anymore. So theres this site Verified Downloads where it makes sure the file is genuine. Pretty cool for avid downloaders.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Phew!
Banged my car today. Actually, I scraped the side. Felt like an ass. Went for a meeting at another office and got pissed off with the security guard cos he wasnt allowing me to park my car and then tried to get into this tight parking space and scraped the side against this conveniently placed gate that had obviously materialized for the purpose. Did I mention I felt like an ass when I got out of the car? Hmm yes..

Anyways, have decided to look on the bright side cos the gate transferred most of its paint onto the car and that can be removed with solvent. After that (hopefully) only a few scratches and minor dents should remain. Still..I love my car, cant bear to see any blemishes.

Friend of mine had a similar scratch on his car yesterday (also from a gate) and I was being most smug and thinking to myself..geee...I would never be so silly as to run into a gate and scratch my car. Im too good a driver..

Must be this whole karmic thing these Hindoos are always chattering about..

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

gfdc - ceci n'est pas un weblog
Hilarious blog!

Work Work Work
Somebody once commented that the job of a manager is to have lots of free time. Eh why you may ask? Because he has such good subordinates that he can delegate all his work to them.

In that case I am proud to report that me and Jay Menon are the only 2 people authorised to do any work in my company (because we happen to be at the very bottom of the heap and cant delegate any work to anyone else).

Let me look around and see if anyone is working except us...

Nope!!

..so the theory must be right!!

I am being mean now and will surely not get a gold plated watch on my retirement

Neil Armstrong is the Britney Spears of bLogging
Yes, I used to be a fan of Neil Armstrong's blog but then he got so famous! All of a sudden everybody started reading him and he became just another part of mainstream pop culture. As a dedicated fan of his blog it caused me no end of anguish when his publicity agent (apparently he outsourced it to India) caused so many people to access his blog that dedicated fans like me could never reach the page! Now I am searching for another cult icon to make my own...who knows..I may settle for the acerbic yet delicately earthy blogging of yarite.blogspot.com. Hmph!

“Western medicine is based on corpses, things that you discover by cutting up dead bodies and pulling them apart. Chinese medicine is based on living flesh, things observed from vital, moving humans.”

Monday, March 22, 2004

DNA's Reward
Hah..so anyways, was having this conversation with Nidhi during one of our more chatty moments (when she was distracted by the match and I could pretty much say whatever popped into my little head).

DNA replicate. DNA replication provides the basis for life. So life is all about DNA replication. Confusing eh? No? Most disappointing. Oh well..you must be much smarter than you look...

Anyways, so this DNA thingy wants to keep replicating and as a by product we get life..because DNA itself is inanimate. And then you start thinking that sex (and the occasional accidental orgasm) is actually a reward for helping DNA replicate.

But then again, why did DNA make it so darn complicated. I mean, you have to insert part A into part B and then fling this goo containing DNA at this other thingy and then the other thingy (if you are lucky) ends up producing a new lifeform after ages and ages.

Why not just grow a new life-form on your ass? Then, when it grows large enough, it can just drop off and start running around on its own. That way you wouldnt have to muck about with nightclubs, alcohol, and pieces of green paper. No more goo flung around the place either (or so I have heard from this one friend who knew someone who actually had sex once)

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Country Western Love Song
I met her outside Fresno with joggers;
I can still recall the neon sign she wore;
She was chewin' on a hangnail by the off-ramp,
and I knew I'd have to scrape her off the floor;
The painters knew I'd live off her forever;
She said to me she liked 'Spy vs. Spy';
But who'd have thought she'd make it on a surfboard;
She sent a hired thug to say goodbye.

Gibberish song generator I found on the net somewhere..

Tomorrow...
Yay! Tomorrow I finally get to see Nidhi! Its going to be soo cool! I already have the scene played out in my mind where we meet at the airport...

She comes running from one end and me from the other. Shes wearing some ridiculously low cut and bright yellow salwar kameez and I am wearing a white shirt open like 3 buttons down (bare chest or gloriously shaggy I cant decide) and bell bottom pants. And then we meet in the middle, the music starts playing and all scene shifts to Switzerland for a while with a change of clothes every 2 minutes and then off to London with another change of clothes and then rolling down the hills in Manali one behind the other and then the scene shifts and we are rolling down the pyramids in Egypt. And then the song ends and we magically end up back in India..where the leering, sneering, paan chewing and evil zamidaar ka beta Sauron is telling the heroine "yeh homeopathy kha lo bebby tumhari sab bimaari door ho jayegi".

Yes, real life can imitate Hindi movies and I am to prove it tomorrow!! Any suggestions on the costume changes?

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Terror's Latest Trigger: Cellphones
Bombs Can Be Detonated
From Virtually Anywhere
In Wireless Modern World


Using cellphones to detonate explosives, as apparently happened in the Madrid bombings, is a phenomenon that is nearly impossible to stop from a technical standpoint, say telecom-industry and explosives experts.
Terrorists in last week's attacks in Spain apparently hooked up bombs to cellphones, which theoretically could have allowed them to detonate the explosives from the other side of the world. Hooking up a phone to a bomb also provides the option of using an alarm clock in the phone to detonate the explosive, which is how it appears one unexploded device was set up.
How it works: A wire within a phone is connected to the detonator in a bomb. When a call is placed to the phone, an electrical circuit is completed, providing power to the detonator and setting off the explosive.

"You set up your explosive device in Berlin, or wherever. Now, you decide you don't want to be anywhere near that thing when it explodes, so you fly over to San Francisco and dial the number of the cellphone," said Greg Baur, former international director of the International Association of Bomb Technicians and Investigators. "That bomb goes off, and you're halfway around the world."
The use of cellphones to detonate a terrorist bomb isn't new. The Irish Republican Army attempted this unsuccessfully, according to Magnus Ranstorp, a terrorism expert at St. Andrews University in Scotland. There also is growing evidence that cellphones were used in last year's May 12 bombings in Saudi Arabia that killed 35 people.
But short of shutting down a country's cellphone network, there isn't much that can be done to reduce this risk. Indeed, the proliferation of radio devices -- in everything from cellphones to garage openers to hand-held devices that remotely unlock car doors -- means much of the modern world is virtually blanketed with wireless radio-wave technology.
Security services around the world try to minimize the risk of radio-controlled bombs. Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf's motorcade is equipped with radio-jamming devices. Those devices apparently helped to delay the explosion of bombs that had been set up under a bridge and were intended to assassinate him in December. The system in his car effectively blocked the receivers attached to the bombs.
U.S. investigators generally are cautioned not to use cellphones near suspected bombs on the chance that radio waves might trigger them. In Northern Ireland, bomb squads called to the site of suspected explosives also bring jamming equipment, according to Mr. Baur.
Cellphones can allow a large operation to be run by just a few people, since the bombers aren't being blown up along with their bombs. "All the bombs went off within four minutes, so it would have been possible to detonate the blasts from just one or two phones," Dr. Ranstorp said in a telephone interview about the Madrid bombings.
Authorities investigating the bombings in Saudi Arabia "seized cellphones which appeared to have been modified to trigger improvised explosive devices," according to a U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation bulletin released to American law-enforcement authorities last June.
"During the past decade various international terrorist groups have used cellular telephones as well as pagers and commercial radio systems as a remote control method to trigger IEDs -- improvised explosive devices," according to the bulletin. "The FBI possesses no information indicating these devices have been or are being used in terrorist operations in the United States. However, law-enforcement agencies should remain alert to the potential use of such devices and incorporate awareness into their counterterrorism preventative measures."
The soaring use of cellphones that can't be traced back to their owners contributes to the problem, experts say. Getting an untraceable cellphone to use in this manner is fairly easy, particularly outside the U.S., where most cellular users subscribe using prepaid systems that don't require identification or signing a contract. In the U.S., almost 90% of users have contracts that require extensive application processes, including a credit check.
Vodafone Group PLC, the world's biggest cellular operator in terms of revenue, says 55% of its users around the world don't have contracts. The figures range as high as 82% in Egypt and 92% in Italy. Company spokesman Tim Brown said he doesn't expect that to change.

Startling conclusion
Have come to startling conclusion (yes yes its written above also) that highly political people are also highly lazy people. When I gaze with my cowlike gaze around the office the denizens most likely to be engaging in office politics are one of the following:
1. Aint been laid in ages
2. Lazy bums with no work but a penchant for buggery
3. Working, but doing crap
4. Induhviduals (see Scott Adams)

Agh! Its been 2 days since Nidhi lost her phone and already I am going through withdrawal simptoms!!

the friday five
And my answers are::
1. Another Brick in the Wall (1200 mics remix)
2. Half of Terminator III and half of Minority Report
3. T-shirts, beer, and chewing gum
4. Spend all weekend in bed eating take out food, watching TV, occasional shower, and conversation.
5. Jay, Nidhi, Naira, Partho, Ajay

Phew!!!!

Monday, March 15, 2004

Fairvue Central >> Features >> Fourth Annual Weblog Awards
Blogging heaven yeeeee haaaaa!!

danieldrezner.com :: Daniel W. Drezner :: Being Andrew Sullivan's wife

Precarious Existence
In a tone of breathless wonder I wonder to myself how amazing the fact is that any one of us is actually alive. Ok let me start from the beginning...after realizing that human beings are one of the deadliest species on the planet and that we keep making other species extinct and spreading our junk all over the place...I began to think about the fact that nature allows us to exist.

Of course, I have no statistical evidence to support the following monograph, but still I press on...
Consider the fact that we live on land. In a very narrow temperature belt (a few degrees here and there and we cant live in that place), subsist on fresh water which is like (said like a blonde cheerleader) only 1% of the total water on the planet and out of that fresh water only 1% is actually drinkable by us. And then you have to consider that we dont have any natural defences and taste pretty good but yet nobody preys on us. And also, we are at the top of the food chain so pretty much depend on everything else for a living (while we are actually killing off everything, our source of subsistence). So amazing huh? And then the fact that so many earth altering events are just waiting to happen like meteors crashing into the earth and active volcanos like the one under Yellowstone Park in the US (if it exploded it would take all of America with it and cast a cloud over the rest of the world for like about a 100 years) all of which could just reset the whole shebang to absolutely zero and theres nothing we can do about it!!

So the next time you are having a shitty day or are bored of work or whatever...just think you are lucky to be alive and well and eating that animal / plant which was killed specially for you. Then you wont feel so...

Oh yeah..I have other theories on mans evolution all of which are plagiarised from other people but more on that later...

Thursday, March 11, 2004

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery
Read this!!

Bombay is Dead
Yes yes yes..its finally hitting home. Bombay is dead. The city used to be a dream...much like Rome was a dream..but now the dream is dead, and it feels like...when a unicorn dies and the flies feast off its beautiful body? Thats how it feels like living in Bombay now. Eventually there is nothing left and everyone buzzes off to the next happening place.

For a city that used to keep me coming back no matter where I was in the world..its sad. I used to think that the city was so alive...so many people, but warmhearted ones. Such a safe place. Even the hardened cops had hearts of gold. Everyone looked like they might fit right into an Amitabh Bachchan movie. Sort of larger than life, bashing up the baddies, suffering slightly but coming out glowing all over with the sweat of hard work.

Or maybe I just changed...I dont know..

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

BBC - h2g2 - How to Work for The Queen of the United Kingdom

A Little Too Many Details Methinks
Dr Evils Childhood as written by Mike Myers!! Incredible happiness!! This is my childhood re-written! Ok..ok...its not..but why cant I plagiarise someones childhood huh? Especially since I am a Zoroastrian and its entirely possible a Zoroastrian woman named Vilma ritualistically shaved my chestnuts. Its believable I tell you!!

BBC - h2g2 - Tea
Its Douglas Adams Guide to making tea!! No! Really!!

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Life on Rant
I havent been abducted by aliens
I have never been in a gangbang
I have never been held hostage by bank robbers
I have never inherited a million dollars when some rich uncle popped it

Nothing exciting ever happens to me!!

Collecting Music
I have come to the conclusion there is something deeply wrong with me. I have a perverse desire to collect music which I will never ever listen to. So far the list of albums that I have downloaded from the net but never bothered to hear even once is as follows:
1. Kelis - Tasty
2. Kanye West - College Dropout
3. Hootie and the Blowfish - the best of
4. The Beatles - Let it be naked
5. some 6 other albums which I am feeling too lazy to write the names of.
Why? Why? Maybe its because I have this perverse thought that someday I may have a party and people will be eagerly searching through my computer where they will find all this amazing music and play it. Or maybe I think that just in case I am stranded in a log cabin in the mountains for 3.5 days (yes, thats how much music I have - three and a half days worth of listening without repeating a single track) then my laptop will prove to be my savior from insanity.

Savior from insanity??!! I think I am already insane!!

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Kristin Thomas Spam Poetry

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Belle de Jour
'Belle de Jour, the internet’s most talked-about web diary, has a book deal. According to Publisher’s Marketplace, the London call girl, who may or may not be a literary name masquerading as a high-class hooker, has inked a deal with Weidenfeld & Nicolson/Orion to turn her anonymous tales of love-for-money into a manuscript due for delivery in August. The film rights are also being frantically contested. Which begs the question: what happens when her parents find out?'

Monday, March 01, 2004

Headache Theory of Life
Some days are just headache days. Starts in the morning and doesnt end till your head hits the pillow. Then the headache doesnt go away until you finally force yourself to relax and go to sleep. Today is like that...

But on the whole, its probably better to have a headache day than a non headache day because headaches signify you are alive, breathing and probably extremely busy. All the stuff that made life crawl out of the ocean and onto land. Evolution is taking place in my brain even as it hurts. Millions of my brightest brain cells are contemplating emigrating from the stressful environment of my head and leaping out onto my lovely faux wood desk where they will form a new organism that will rapidly rise to the top of the company where I work and then proceed to tell me how to do my job. Most unfair.

Speaking of evolution - did you know that life moved from the sea to land because of the appearance of sharks? Apparently sharks would eat anything and everything...and so you can imagine the terrified denizens of the deep scuttling out of the water to avoid getting chomped by sharks. Once they hit land they discovered beer and chicks and the rest of course is history...