Quote of the day..

Given that most of my one readers is female, I shouldnt post this sort of stuff..but anyone who knows me, knows that I revel in being controversial, writing about forbidden topics, stirring up trouble etc. Sigh..its tough being me..

anyways, without further ado..here it is!

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.

The Dalai Lama loves me

The Dalai Lama was in Mumbai for a medical check up. Somehow or the other, I got invited to a small group of people who were meeting him in the morning before he left.

We were all clustered around the lift outside the DL's room waiting for his holiness to come up from the lobby. I had brought my camera along and thought I would start snapping away like a papparazzi as soon as he appeared. After several false alarms the lift doors finally opened and the DL stepped out. His security detail tried to tell us to keep it brief..just do the quick hello and get outta there, but his holiness was having none of that. He gave us an impish smile and beckoned us to his room.

Off to a good start I thought. Then he started speaking in his broken english. But somehow, we could all understand every word he said. He spoke about the oneness of everything. How events in one part of the world affect the whole world. And in such circumstances, there can be no victory or defeat of one people by another. Then he spoke about Buddhism and it all was just good common sense and logic. No mumbo jumbo. And surprisingly, he exhorted everyone to keep practising whatever religion it was that they belonged to. I would have thought that as with any religious leader, he would have tried to convert us to Buddhism.

All too soon, the meeting was over. Then another impish smile as he saw the camera around my neck and asked "photo? No photo?" Everyone leapt up to take a group snap and get their stuff autographed and all that. Then we left.

But the strange thing was, I felt a lot lighter and a lot more at peace than when I walked in. Then of course, I went to work and the day began..end of peace!

Modern life makes me want to become a saint

I dont know how to say this, but I am leaning more and more towards the ascetic life. The sort where you leave everything behind and go live in a forest. And why is that you may wonder dear reader..its because every single possession that I own just happens to find the wrong time to break down. And then you have to fix the darn thing. And spend money. And pull your hair out. So..without further ado, lets list the things that have conked off and which are driving me irresistably towards the monastic life devoid of worldly possessions:

1. The geyser switch in the bathroom which emits a pleasant yet alarming smoke everytime it is switched on.
2. The automatic window on my car which refuses to go down (not on me, silly..I mean downwards)
3. The steering mechanism on my wifes car which emits an sinister clacking noise everytime it is turned. I tried ignoring it, but my dad told me the wheel might fall off anytime soon and roll away to I suppose it must be fixed now.
4. The music system on my wifes car that has to be repeatedly whacked in order to produce some sound. Its like a lottery..sometimes you get the radio, and sometimes distorted and crackling music from the cd player starts. My wife has the sort of endless patience that allows her to prod the music system repeatedly and a childlike expression of wonder and expectation at what sound will ensue from the prodding. Meanwhile, I am pulling small hairs out from my chest in irritation.
5. The inkjet printer that I bought 6 months ago that now needs to have repairs equalling roughly the cost of the printer.
6. The DVD player that we bought 6 months ago that now skips happily between scenes of a dvd so you can use your rampant imagination to fill in the missing bits.
7. The computer in my office that was used to connect to the net and has now downloaded so many nasties on its own, that it reminds me of that evil computer on Space Odessey 2001 that killed off all the occupants of the spacecraft. The same might happen here, so I have locked myself into my cabin.

These are the major annoyances listed above. In minor annoyances I have listed:
1. Tubelight in the hall that had to be replaced with a dim bulb so all reading has to be done by squinting.
2. My cell phone which wipes out all my data as soon as the battery runs out...some genius in the art of torture musta invented that one.
3. The TATA Indicom phone in the living room that took 2 months to get, and now when we come home tells us we have 2300 missed calls.

Well, thats about all I can think of now but seriously dudes, this modern life is taking all the fun out of living. I yearn for the time when I can go off into the forest, (having set fire to all my worldly possessions), there to be looked after hand and foot by the charming maidens who reside there for this purpose.

25 Things That Prove Ur a Bombayite

1. You think Chowpatty & Juhu beaches as "nature."
2. You say "town " and expect everyone to know that this means south of Churchgate.
3. You speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya Hindi', which only Bombayites can understand
4. Your door has more than three locks.
5. Rs 500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
6. Train timings (9.27, 10.49 etc) are really important events of life.
7. You spend more time each month travelling than you spend at home.
8. You call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall.
9. You're paying Rs 10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."
10. You have the following sets of friends, school friends, college friends ,neighbourhood friends, office friends and yes, train friends, a species unique only in Bombay.
11. Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the roads by their Indian name, they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar Road, Altamount Road.....
12. Stock market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which you follow passionately.
13. The first thing that you read in the Times of India is the "Bombay Times" supplement.
14. You take fashion seriously.
15. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
16. Hookers, beggars and the homeless are invisible.
17. You compare Bombay to New York's Manhattan instead of any other cities of India.
18. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
19. You insist on calling CST as VT, and Sahar and Santacruz airports instead of Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport
20. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
21. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
22. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
23. You love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons, and actually call it 'romantic'.
24. Only in Bombay, you would get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicken.
25. You call traffic policemen as "Pandus" and expect out-of-towners to understand that.