Death of the White Revolver

Yesterday, I was deep in thought. A fellow employee's behaviour was buggin me and I was thinking I should write him a mail telling him he was being a perfect ass for no reason at all. Nidhi highly recommended this course of action (supportive wife and all that she is). So I went to the study and fired up the old laptop we keep at home. It was taking a while to boot up, making all these arthritic sorts of sounds and looking like it wasnt in any hurry, so I read a book for a while (100 years of solitude) and then wandered off to the living room where I got entangled quite happily in feeding Kabir. He is such an adorable eater and provides endless entertainment while he ingests his food. Anyways, I put him on my lap and then started amusing him while Nidhi distractedly put food in his mouth (American Idol being on and all).

Suddenly, we heard this loud thud. Really loud thud like the sound the last burglar made after my bullet hit him between the eyes and he crashed to the ground. Just kidding. Anyways, loud noise and Sunanda rushed out from the kitchen on the suspicion that we had overfed Kabir, he was now 100 pounds, and had now been dropped to the ground because we could no longer carry him. Just kidding!!!!! Again!!! 

Anyways, we all kinda looked at each other and were like..

Did you?? 

No!! Did you?!!! 

No!! I thought you did!!

It was the trusty ol' ceiling fan. About a hundred years it had hung on the ceiling of the study. And finally, it decided it had enough and loosed from its anchor and thudded down to the floor. One blade broke off and went spinning off. Very dramatic finale for that household appliance I can tell you. 

Which put me in mind..

If I had been sitting there in that study writing that mail...and that study isnt very big. Im not trying to be dramatic or anything, but y'know, its not much bigger than the blades of the fan. And the chair is right beneath the fan..and the fan goes fairly fast. But anyways, dont get scared. Nothing happened to me. I was luckily in the hall with Kabir!

So this made me think. Maybe there is some sort of law of Karma or something that governs our lives. I mean, people do have bad accidents at various points in their lives, but then again quite often as not, they avoid them and get saved. So maybe there is something out there that says..

"hmm..not this time. He seems to be progressing quite well, and doesnt need any time in h0spital to ruminate on how his life is going at this point." Something like that I think. 

Though I cant shake the nagging feeling that maybe I should just move my laptop a littttttle further away from the fan Im sitting under right now!

How to Wake up Daddy..

First of all, its very important to get moved from the crib to the bed. This can be accomplished in several ways, but the simplest is to either wake up numerous times during the night, prompting an exhausted parent to finally move you to the main bed, or else during the 5.30am feeding time after which said sleepy parent will put you next to them and then pat you to sleep. 

After this important move is accomplished, it is very important to not sleep deeply yourself. Give the impression that you are snoozing, while actually you are laying in readiness to put your dastardly plan into action.

Sharp at 0645 hrs action should commence. First make small noises to test whether your victim is deeply asleep. If he doesn't react, then commence making louder noises while wiggling around from side to side. Add some leg movement. Don't be shy! Slowly scoot over to dad's side of the bed with your leg held out in front of you as a sort of probe. When your leg encounters his fleshy backside, start giving a couple of kicks. This will result in dad stirring slightly and trying to pat you back to sleep. Desist for a short while until he goes back to sleep himself, and then begin with even greater vigour. By now, he will be too far gone and try to get out of range. Don't let that happen! Get behind him and keep up the kicking. Alternate the kicking with pats, grabbing any clothing of his, clawing at his face. All the while keep saying "papa, paaaapaa, puppa, paapa." 

After about 15mins of this, Dad will finally wake out of his stupor and roll over to give you a bleary kiss and a cuddle. That's when you know you have won! Oh what a lovely way to start the day!!

Note: These maneuvers must be executed when Mummy is not around. Otherwise, she will protect Daddy and prevent the full effect of kicks being felt!

Too Much Money, Honey!

Im pissed off, upset, and scared. Im living in fear. And Im thanking my lucky stars that I dont live in the good ol' US of A right now.

Take a look at that graph. It represents the amount of money supply in the US economy since god knows when. Anybody can tell, the amount of money supply in the last year alone has been more than the cumulative amount in the last above mentioned god knows when amount of years!

And whats more, this huge amount of money has been doled out to very very very very bad people. People to whom giving money is like giving bottles of whiskey and the keys to your car. Guaranteed to cause a big crash and a massive headache after that.

After the recent massive crash, you would think the little people would get a break. After all, many lost their homes, their jobs, their cars, and god knows what else. These are the people who if at all, deserve a handout and some cash to get back on their feet. So, if all those trillions were distributed to the people in the form of cheques in their mailbox with an apology letter from the Fed, it would be justice done at last.

Instead, those trillions of dollars have been put into the banking system. Of course, we all know what the banks are going to do with it. Nothing. For now.

Thats because they are all scared of what just happened a year back. But give them another 6 months, nay, another 6 days, and their marvellously short memories will erase all the bad thoughts and figure that hey, I have all this money just sitting here, why dont I spend it? And spend they will. With a vengeance. More than they did the last time around. They will give every tom dick harry susan anthony money, they will buy up all the assets they can lay their hands on, they will give to every charity, they will.....they will just give and give and give. And we will have a massive party. Stocks will soar, salaries will rise, home prices will shoot up, we will buy cars, planes, boats, bazookas, whatever...until finally someone figures out that shit..all this money isnt really worth anything, because prices are rising real fast. So they will spend faster and faster.

Soon, you will be grabbing your salary at the end of the day, and then running down to the store to buy whatever you can afford. And then comes the point where a loaf of bread is pretty much all you can get for like..$3000 or whatever.

Its happened before..so dont smirk. See this link here..the list is almost every known country.

So Im telling all everyone who reads this, which is probably just my wife and maybe some random guy who landed on my page from Google, that put all your money into hard assets. Buy gold, buy property, buy anything that has a lasting value.

And then sit tight and wait for the tsunami of money to hit. You will be king with your real assets. Hell, once you flash your gold plated teeth, the grocer may even let you cut to the front of the line to buy your loaf of bread.