Womens needs mens

Last night the wife asked me to open a bottle of prawn pickle. Grunted (mostly for show), opened it and handed it to her.

She asked "why is it that women can't open jars?"

Flashbacks - age 10 - my mom handing a bottle of jam for me to open
Age 10.5 - my aunt handing me a tin of bournvita to open.
Then the years rolled forward in a sort of blur with all the women I have ever known handing me some bottle, can, tin, jar, dabba etc. to open.

Always wondered why women needed men around the house, why they felt the need to marry us, to keep us close. Realised in a flash. Women need men because they open things. They can also be called from wherever they are sitting, to the site where the effort is required, thus saving valuable energy for the woman.

Think about it, women obviously don't need men for most things. They never have. We've just been a sort of gadget kept around the house, much like the food processor.

I mean, take my wife. When she needs to talk, she calls her best buddy Reshma. When she wants to go shopping, she calls up Disha. When she needs to get her tailoring done, she calls her mom. When she wants to party, she calls Devina. For cleaning, our lovely Bai. And so on and so fart. Apart from the occasional show of strength, where am I required?

Sure, women may need us around to fertilize the eggs occasionally, but that could be done by locking us up in some great big pen and then choosing - "Hmm..I think I'll take the blonde one with big biceps today. He may not look smart, but his offspring could open a helluva lot of bottles!"

So as I go to bed today, I get on my knees and pray:

"God, give men the strength to always open cans,
Let them do it with teeth and nail and han(d)s.
Keep the can and bottle opening devices at bay,
For this dear Lord, to you I pray.

Let men roam free and range where they will,
O'er land and water and discos and hills.
Take not away their liberty and smell,
To lock them up in sperm donor hell!

Lord, let men be always strong,
E'en though they be always wrong.
Part them not from women, I say,
This my fervent prayer, it is today!