The Bai

I dunno if I ever blogged about the other woman in my life before, but I figure its time I did so. Especially now that I have accumulated enough amusing instances of the last year I spent with her.

I am talking about my bai (or housemaid) of course. Those of you that dont have bais are sorely missing out on all the amusement, minor irritations, and daily social contact with an insane person, but I suppose you must have some other source for these things...like your siblings for instance..or maybe your boss. But I digress..

We hired a hunchback 60 year old (Nidhi claims she is only 30, but looks 60 because she hasnt had any cosmetic surgery done to give her that natural young look so necessary nowadays to exist in society) housemaid last year when we moved into the apartment and as time has progressed, she has become like a part of the family. She is the mother I never had - because my mother is fit and in full control of her mental faculties -whereas our bai is not.

She comes in the morning while both of us are sleeping and one of us (usually Nidhi) wakes up, stumbles to the door, lets her in and then collapses back into bed. We usually see her finishing her work when we wake up and then she scuttles off. The only reason we know she is there is because she leaves little 'souvenirs' of her visit.

For instance, she unfailingly fills water into any bottles of 7up..regardless of whether there was any 7up there in the first place. This usually results in Nidhi or me pouring out a glass of 7up and then going aaackkkk thuuu!!

Then of course the prediliction for taking important items from where we had carefully placed them, and then hiding them where only she can find them (only after being given a precise description of the item or shown a duplicate copy). Like when she took Nidhi's spectacles from the couch, and stuffed them into my laptop bag pocket. Or when she mistook my phone battery for a coaster, and shoved it deep into a drawer in the kitchen. Or putting all the pots and pans you really need right at the back of the cupboard where only she can reach (being old and wizened, she can get into the tightest spots..unlike our young and plump {I was going to say fit..but I said naaah..they wont believe it} bodies which get stuck at the entrance of the cavernous cupboard beneath the kitchen counter).

Then there is the philosophy that "if they cant see it, it doesnt need to be cleaned." Unfortunately, she is almost blind and we are not which results in 80% of the house not being cleaned. Lots of screaming happens on the weekend when we finally realise that the house has enough cobwebs to qualify as a set in a B-grade horror movie. Then we follow her around from room to room pointing out specific spots that need to be cleaned. She hisses loudly as she works to show she's really putting in an effort. Then all is forgiven.....until the next weekend!

She is a part time maid, but she seems to have formed an attachment to us. This means she will come around as many times as possible on a weekend to check if there are any dishes to be washed. We are part of her social circle now. So sunday afternoon naps are usually disturbed by loud hissing noises from the kitchen and much clanging of pans followed by more hissing and mumbling.

Anyways, work pressures have forced me to terminate this post...but Nidhi, feel free to add any more bai stories to the comments.